So today …

… I went to a memorial service for a 49 year old woman who I knew, she was a parent of students at my previous school. It was a celebration of who she was but also terribly sad. Twenty seven years married, now she was gone, mother for 17-22ish years, now she is gone, last of the theee children of her parents, now she is gone.

Towards the end of the service there was a timeline of her illness. The cancer came early in 2014, was gone by the end of the year. Then it was back in 2015 found at a regular check up. Treatment, immunotherapy… chemotherapy… then it moved … it went … it took her.

As this was being said I felt my body clench, I feel my breath now shorten as I write. If I was sitting my legs would be jigging up and down, I feel that horrible falling stomach …. at the end when we were standing about a few of us started talking about that timeline, my friend leant over and touched my arm, “You weren’t okay then were you?”

No I wasn’t, it is the fear, it sits below the surface … I thought it was not so dominating but today it consumed me … not for long but for long enough for me to remember that black fear, that is lurks and can take over.

This entry was posted in Australia, Breathe, Breathing, Cancer, Family, Friends, Home, Life, Melbourne, The things that make you go grrrr ..., The things that make you go hmmm ..., The things that make your heart ache ..., The things you realize ..., The things you remember .... Bookmark the permalink.

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