… it has been 2 months and 23 days since I last wrote a blog post. Now that was a surprise but the state of my mental health is not a surprise. Nothing has been written and nothing is out of my head … it is all stuck in there, having an impact, making my heart race, stopping me from doing what I need to be doing, allowing me to waste days, live in a house that has stuff everywhere, nothing clean, bits and pieces all over the floor.
It wasn’t until today that I looked about and realised it is the exact representation of me not looking after myself. You look after yourself by doing what you need to, keeping things in order, making choices that mean you are healthy, eating well, moving well, being well.
Alas the dropping of the ball. Today I:
- slept late and did not go to training – even though I was encouraged to get up and do it for myself last night
- played time wasting games on my phone
- picked things up and moved them about
- thought about cleaning one room, just one
- did not pick up my book yet again
I did start to look about and then I started folding washing, I finished all the birthdays on the calendar. I did the dishes. I set up the Boskashi again. I went for a walk around the block but I went and it was not that hard, I could have gone again but it was heading to twilight and dinner was still cooking. Dinner was late, another indication of lack of care.
I have spent the day watching Netflix again, on and off, more on than off though.
Then there is the sleep, up late, really late and sleeping in late. A few mornings this week I have had to be up and 7am, that hurt and it shouldn’t.
I had a work meeting and my head was not there totally which did not give care to the two that came and met with me. Now my head it mucked about with work stuff and doubt. That is a total waste of my thinking time.
I got out a jigsaw this week, thinking that that would be a good use of time. Then I looked at the dining table and realised there was a bit of organising to do. So I pulled all the documents and bits from two other piles and made one small pile and through lots of things not read into the recycling. A start but the jigsaw is still in the box.
I went outside and looked up on Thursday night, the sky was glorious, all orange and pink and I just watched, thinking that I did not see enough of these in my life, I spend too many evenings inside my house. I drank it in and thanked my love of clouds, sunsets and they sky for filling my soul.
Yesterday I had lunch with my sister, a niece and a birthday nephew. He was fourteen yesterday. Then I went and bought the rest of the curtains to replace the old ones at my Dad’s place. Niece came, job done, curtains up. Then up to my sister’s place for the 14th birthday celebration, time with the family a glorious soul filler.
Tomorrow is my niece’s 24th birthday, another celebration and more soul filling spending time with all of my family. I really need to take some photos tomorrow. I worry that Dad is 85 now, I want to remember, I want everyone else to remember, especially the grandkids so photos and videos are important. The efforts on Friday evening were blurry, I had to laugh my brother said how can someone take a blurry photo with an iPhone?! Fair call really, no idea how. Also the recording of the birthday singing, I forgot to hit record! Astounding!
Anyway so there it is … a start.