Imagine if …

… you had a Pensive like Dumbledore … still sometimes I claw at words, grasping, trying to retrieve them from somewhere in my mind. I know they are there somewhere, I have used them before in different circumstances so they exist but alas they elude me.

Back when … my chemical friends were souring through my body hunting and killing my brain was fuzzy and I said the wrong word so many times, it became funny in the end instead of fighting it I just said what was there.

I don’t always remember things now and would like to more readily so if someone has a pensive they are not using at the moment, then send it my way please.

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Posted in Australia, Breathe, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Clouds, Fatigue, Harry Potter, Humour, Laughing, Life, Melbourne, The things that make you go hmmm ..., The things you notice | Leave a comment

Spiralling …

… that familiar feeling, that low level anxiety that used to always live with me, impacting my daily life and my thoughts about myself, my work and my life. That feeling that I did not even recognise as anxiety.

It has returned in the last few weeks and it has been like the good old bad old days. I sit and remember what it was like eleven or so years ago when it all started. It is interesting to read eleven years, as it so didn’t start just then, I have no idea how long it has been going but it is finely tuned.

I had a clear mammogram, the third since my cancer and it was something to celebrate but my fast brain kicked in not four steps out of the surgeon’s door, not even at reception and my brain was saying well that is three years but you need to hold off until it is five years. Who does that? How does that automatic thought kick in faster than I can even comprehend, it grabs me before I have had time to even think let alone celebrate.

So I am doing a thought diary, I resisted and I ignored it for some days and then when I realised this was not a feeling I liked and this was not something I had to allow to continue, that I knew strategies that worked before and that I could at least try again …. then I started to write. I wrote a few things down and they went away …. remember, that is what happens, remember, remember, remember!

So back to it I went this evening, writing so much I have run out of space which I guess will give us lots to talk about … and now I am trying to remember to breathe because that works almost instantly. Breathe … one, two, three, four … hold … one, two three, four … breathe not with the chest but with the abdomen … you know how so just get on with it.

Posted in Anxiety, Australia, Breathe, Calm, Health, Life, Melbourne, Spring, The things you are thankful for ..., The things you do!, The things you feel ..., The things you imagine!, The things you know!, The things you realize ..., The things you remember ... | Leave a comment

A late walk …

… the sky was blue, the sun was still shining and I was smiling.
It is daylight saving time – the best time of the year!

Posted in Australia, Beauty, Daylight savings, Environment, Gardens, Happy, Health, Joy, Life, Look up!, Melbourne, Reflection, smile, Spring, The things that make your heart sing ..., The things you feel ..., The things you love!, The things you notice, The things you realize ..., The things you remember ..., The things you think ... | Leave a comment

Are you …

… as safe now as you were before your diagnosis?

What an interesting question …

Before a thought is complete or a sentence fully uttered my brain flies into action, protecting … 

It was there hiding, lurking, growing, moving … 

How  do I know it’s not there now? I didn’t know then.

What if it isn’t there, if you are indeed safe?

Settle, calm, breathe.

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The week ahead …

… needs to be filled with mindfulness, walking and distraction.

 

 

 

Posted in Anxiety, Australia, Life, Love, Melbourne, Quotes, Spring, The things you know!, The things you remember ... | Leave a comment

Wellness …

… important, needs effort and time.

Posted in Australia, Breathe, Health, Joy, Life, Love, Melbourne, Quotes, Spring, The things that make you go hmmm ..., The things that make your heart sing ..., The things you feel ..., The things you know!, The things you think ..., The things you wonder! | Leave a comment

Positive …

… is best.

Posted in Australia, Instagram, Joy, Life, Melbourne, Quotes, Spring, The things that make your heart sing ..., The things you love! | Leave a comment