Magic …

… and don’t you forget it!

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S is for …

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… Me!

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My brother …

… grew lettuce, lots of lettuce …

… it is delicious …

… it was my lunch …

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The options …

… what actually happened and what I would advise others to do based on what happened … if that makes sense.

Rocking backwards and forwards, just sitting, not doing anything, not going to work, not doing anything but worry, fret and be frightened … stolen time, stolen moments … hijacked by the fear so nothing else could invade my thoughts but that fear, nothing could distract me, refocus me, make me anything but pessimistic and worried and horrified and frightened about the whole damn thing … waking up and feeling that sinking in my stomach, sitting rocking, my leg jigging about as the anxiety grew … another day dawned and the fear was still there, taking hold and dragging me through my day.

As I sit here writing this I can feel it, I hate it, my breathing is catching, my leg won’t be still, I feel physically sick and I need to stop now.

While waiting to hear, surround yourself with people you love and distraction; don’t sit about on your own, keep your mind busy.

Take time to think about the good things in your life, it is frightening I know but don’t let it overwhelm you until you need it to … just stop and breathe, settle, you can’t change what they tell you when they eventually ring … don’t let fear of something that may not actually occur steal your time and your serenity. Serenity and assurance are going to be needed to work your way through this so be still but surrounded. Even if it takes over, that fear, that overwhelming sense of dread, if you are not alone you will have enough distraction to have moments of okay, of light, of laughter perhaps … moments when it won’t be all you think about. And you know what, take it from me the fear and letting it overwhelm you doesn’t help, it sits as a regret maybe, so stop and don’t let it … I know I’ve been there.

Posted in Anxiety, Appreciation, Australia, Breathe, Breathless, Cancer, Health, Life, Melbourne, Memories, Reflection, Spring, Summer, The things you are thankful for ..., The things you do!, The things you feel ..., The things you notice, The things you realize ..., The things you think ... | Leave a comment

From another perspective …

… an exercise of writing from the perspective of someone else, proved easy and heartbreaking all at once.

Broken

Numb, silent and still … staring … silently screaming … now what?

The telephone rang not long after I returned from the hospital, there was quiet, I stood listening … she was gone … now what?

A scream, a blood-curdling scream was all that I could imagine issuing out of me but there was quiet, I had to tell the children that she was gone. I don’t know how I kept breathing, I don’t know how I stayed upright, I don’t know how I managed, I know some days I didn’t manage but I held on, this I knew I had to do, for the children and for the memory of her – my beautiful wife, the one I was meant to be with forever, my everything, my love, my friend, my all … she was gone and I was here left, with these three children of ours who I was now responsible for … me … just me … not us … not the life we were supposed to have … but a life that we would have … that would unfold somehow and in the end, I know not how, we got through, each of us broken in some way but still through and together.

She sits with me now as I think of the life I have had, as I think of the life I could have had if she had not been taken after just fifteen years of being married and a little more of being together. How would each of us have turned out if she was not gone? Perhaps more filled with life and love, perhaps not, we are together, we are love, we are alive … and really she is not all gone, parts of her lives in us all even the ones she has not met.

Posted in A purpose in life!, Australia, Autumn, Cancer, Family, Hugs, Inspiration, Interesting, Joy, Life, Love, Melbourne, Memories, Pain, Questions, Soul, The things that make your heart ache ..., The things you love!, The things you remember ..., The things you wonder! | Leave a comment

My view …


… the sun is streaming in through the window warming my back. There on the counter at The Counter are hot cross buns. It is that time of year, the proper time of year for hot cross buns. I love these buns, they are filled with warmth and love, I guess they are attached to memories, perhaps childhood the deepest of all memories.

Since my health frightened me into action and closing my mouth to all the foods I have attached to my emotions I now know a half hot cross bun is the serving but seriously what would you do with the other half? You can’t be wasteful.

So at the moment the trick is how to get through Easter and not inhale the buns. Start with being fussy and either eat these ones in the picture or even better Phillippa’s which is harder to get, a drive to a shop – don’t make it easy and only get half dozen. I’m sure last Easter I ate a dozen … every day leading up to and through Easter … munch munch munch!!!

Posted in Australia, Autumn, Easter, Food, Health, Heart, Home, Joy, Life, Love, Melbourne, Memories, The things that make you go hmmm ..., The things that make your heart sing ..., The things you feel ..., The things you love! | Leave a comment

Once …

… upon a time I had purple hair.

Purple has been my favourite colour for so long that I have no idea when it became my favourite.
For years I wore only purple eye liner, so there was something purple about me every single day.

I have purple items throughout my wardrobe, although lately black has taken over as the most visible on the hangers.

I have purple earrings, bracelets and necklaces. If I felt the need for luck I would wear something purple.

Then after thinking and talking about it for ages, I had purple hair. But I was never quite happy with the colour, more a magenta than the glorious dark blue purple that I love the best.

Then one day I noticed all of the silver and decided I was going to stop with the dying and let the silver shine. Now it makes me happy and the purple sticks to my jewellery, wallet, bag, clothes or shoes.

Purple – Daily Prompt

Posted in Australia, Colours, Daily Prompt, Joy, Life, Love, Melbourne, Purple, The things that make your heart sing ..., The things you do! | 1 Comment