… write … yesterday I was meandering through Instagram as is my want … there was a photo with news that no one who has had cancer wanted to see.
But what to write …. because it isn’t about me but it is …. that fear that sits under the surface, waiting to launch, to take over and make your heart race.
It might grab you when you panic you didn’t ‘like’ every BCNA and other cancer related post, it might grab you when you see Olivia Newton-John on The Project, third lot of cancer in tow.
It is likely to sneak up on you as the date of your annual check is coming up … it will show up in the OCD behaviours that appear and start to take hold. As each year passes the panic on the day of the mammogram grows …. the waiting for the results.
My surgeon is away in October so the choice was do the mammogram when it is due in October (originally it was August four years ago but it has moved and that in itself has panicked me) or wait til November when he is back. There was no way I was waiting, so the results will go to my oncologist who will get to share them with me … my appointment with him is a week or so later but we so know I am not waiting that long.
Tell me and tell me now!
Let me breathe another year!
Let me promise to take care of myself this coming year because it isn’t back.