… what actually happened and what I would advise others to do based on what happened … if that makes sense.
Rocking backwards and forwards, just sitting, not doing anything, not going to work, not doing anything but worry, fret and be frightened … stolen time, stolen moments … hijacked by the fear so nothing else could invade my thoughts but that fear, nothing could distract me, refocus me, make me anything but pessimistic and worried and horrified and frightened about the whole damn thing … waking up and feeling that sinking in my stomach, sitting rocking, my leg jigging about as the anxiety grew … another day dawned and the fear was still there, taking hold and dragging me through my day.
As I sit here writing this I can feel it, I hate it, my breathing is catching, my leg won’t be still, I feel physically sick and I need to stop now.
While waiting to hear, surround yourself with people you love and distraction; don’t sit about on your own, keep your mind busy.
Take time to think about the good things in your life, it is frightening I know but don’t let it overwhelm you until you need it to … just stop and breathe, settle, you can’t change what they tell you when they eventually ring … don’t let fear of something that may not actually occur steal your time and your serenity. Serenity and assurance are going to be needed to work your way through this so be still but surrounded. Even if it takes over, that fear, that overwhelming sense of dread, if you are not alone you will have enough distraction to have moments of okay, of light, of laughter perhaps … moments when it won’t be all you think about. And you know what, take it from me the fear and letting it overwhelm you doesn’t help, it sits as a regret maybe, so stop and don’t let it … I know I’ve been there.