So long …

…. since I have written. It is this thing, I do a writing course then suddenly think i cannot write … so I don’t.

But today … I am driven to write because today that horrid feeling has returned to my stomach, that dragging hateful anxious feeling. My blood pressure increased, I felt my pulse rate increase, my leg was jiggering about … all the signs I have been taught to out look for, the signs my body provides. I am grabbing for my notes from my psychologist, looking, hunting out what I did to reduce the stress and anxiety related to my work.
Confrontation, all of the times I have tried before with this person to bring them into line … to make them more socially acceptable and it all comes tumbling down and impacts on me, on my health … well enough is enough, no more thank you. Set a plan, follow it and know you can deal with whatever.

Breathe, diaphragm breathing, feeling it pull down as my lungs fill up …. one, two, three, four, five … and repeat. Searching around the room for five things to feel, see or touch to bring me back to the present and to safety. Then comes the hard part … at home, at night, trying to stop the thoughts, do not let them invade my mind, my thoughts, my life. No more giving the power to others, I am in control of their impact on me and I say I am not having it.

This entry was posted in Anxiety, Australia, Cancer, Health, Illness, Life, Melbourne, The things that make you go grrrr ..., The things that make you scream!, The things you realize ..., The things you remember ..., The things you think .... Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to So long …

  1. katiereablog says:

    You are not alone in the way you are feeling. You’re amazing, you can do this. I am following your blog so that I can read note. Stay strong you wonderful person.

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