This prompt made me sing, immediately … If you leave me can I come too?
A song from 1981, when I was 17 … is that possible, it was that long ago? I think I knew it from a few years later … a party in a house, a fire in the backyard … singing loud and dancing like crazy … these were friends I had from school, friends I spent lots of time with but friends I no longer see so I guess they aren’t friends anymore, a beginning and an end.
But … back to what I wanted to write about the actual prompt!
“Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?”
I contemplated leaving 2 1/2 years ago, I let myself be talked out of thinking I could do it, I started to be the one who was not in control, I let them talk me into thinking I was someone that I wasn’t, I let them spook me, I let them bring out all of my insecurities, I let them scare me so much that I didn’t love it anymore and that would be heartbreaking, I let them get inside my head. There were no pros … except maybe one, more time to know and decide who I was keeping if I left … the cons were immense with friends saying words like toxic, run, go, there was physical illness, mental anguish … but then I realized I had the strength and I made the choice to stay and change both myself and them.
The decision hasn’t finally been made because I’m watching, waiting, thinking of starting again elsewhere … if they don’t play nice why would I bother to stay?