Although you’re long dead these 36 years I still think of you often. Lots of times on birthdays and special occasions, sometimes on normal day to day occasions.
I still remember the hardest thing after you died was we were no longer a family of 5 but there were just 4 of us left and as a child that didn’t work in my head.
Having you for 13 years i reckon is the reason I think lots of things now. I still see connections which makes me happy.
It’s impossible to fill you in on all you have missed but know there is still love for you and love that has grown from the seeds you planted in us all.
These amazing five children, your grandchildren there is no way to describe their beauty, humour and life filling personalities in words. Our lives hum with joy from them, perhaps just like your life hummed from the joy of Dad and the three of us, your children.
We’re okay us three, each a little broken for having lost you but you’d be so proud of the parents the others have become and the aunt I am.
We miss you for all the reasons someone needs and wants their mother. But for your loss we are perhaps closer, tighter, defenders of each other. And perhaps not as good as we’d hoped, well that might just be me at this particular point in my life, my head but the decision has been made to sort that stuff.
I love you more than life itself, just like my love for all the others, we the eleven our family has now become.